La Ciudad de los Elementos

I thought I’d share a bit of non-fiction today, and I confess I’ve debated posting this for a long time! I read a craft book recently that said, “Nobody wants to hear your travel stories and how much fun you had on your vacation,” and I think that deterred me from sharing this… But, the same book also said that people want to hear the stories that change you, and where they can take a journey with you. When I visited Mexico City in October, it may have been a vacation, and yes, it’s a travel story. Yes, it was fun. But for so many reasons, I also think it was a significant milestone in my life! It taught me to see the world differently, and it unlocked pieces of myself that I’ve leaned on since then.

So, for those who want to hear a travel story that’s really a little more, in the style of Avatar: The Last Airbender… join me, won’t you? 🙂

LA CIUDAD DE LOS ELEMENTOS

FUEGO

Landing in Mexico City for the first time gave me that New York feeling—sizzling, sensory overload. A blaze of color and sound.

Ignition.

While I may have been a solo traveler, I was never lonely. Mexico blankets you in community from the very first step.

Feet away from the Benito Juarez Airport, murals and graffiti boldly sing you Mexico’s stories on every wall. There are beautiful brown faces, dark raven hair, fists raised high. We’re proud here, they say in color and motion. They call for the liberation of Palestine, the death of fascism, and the joy of living freely. The art pops on every corner, bold and unafraid.

Frida Kahlo . . .

Man, she painted here. She fell in love here. She lived here. By the end of my trip, I’d trace her steps through Casa Azul, imagining her joy. Her pride. Her pain.

Viva la vida.

The Uber driver asked what I had planned for the week. His tone was friendly, easy, and casual, though he must have mashed his horn about five times. Out of all the Ubers I took, five honks weren’t even the record. The traffic moves like art . . . chaotic, colorful, and alive. The driver told me that it wasn’t his favorite thing, but he lived in the city all his life and he loved it with all his heart, smog and all.

At a red light, a street performer ran into the intersection, spun a basketball on the tip of an umbrella, and stuck the handle in his mouth . . . while juggling three scimitars. I knew I was never going to be bored. I’m not positive that was the most interesting thing I saw in the streets. A friend had told me to count all the dogs I saw—a quest I failed as early as Hermosillo. From the top of the Torre Latinoamericano, I witnessed a great protest by the streets of the Zocalo. Another day, I saw a Storm Trooper marching down the road to Xochimilco. The bus driver and my tour guides didn’t look twice. For them, it was just Sunday.

For me, fire was catching again. But I wondered what it would be like . . . how fast the awe would wear off if I were exposed to this much stimulation every day of my life. To walk by the Palacio de Bellas Artes on the way to the bank, or to work a few blocks away from the president’s office.

I considered the Casa de los Azulejos—The House of Tiles. Once upon a time, tiles were a symbol of wealth and status. I had a good laugh about the count whose father told him, “You will never build a house of tiles.” The count did it anyway. The ultimate “look at me now” move. A feat of architecture and defiance. And now, one can buy tiles for 15 pesos each, or less than a dollar.

It seemed that every time I turned a corner in Mexico City, I beheld another monument, a fascinating piece of history, and an ember of pride. There was the grandiose kind—the buildings, the dancers, the epic murals of Diego Rivera saying, “This is us.” There was everyday pride—the hiss of knives diving through fresh fruit. The cry of the street vendors advertising their tacos, pambazos, refrescos, and so much more. The food always warms from within—often spicy, fresh off a grill, and comforting.

That pride roars through every aspect of the city, such as the rainbow flags, benches, and crosswalks—not just confined to the LGBTQ-centric Zona Rosa, but sprinkled liberally throughout the area. Their embers keep the city warm. Queer couples stroll the Paseo de la Reforma hand in hand, sharing umbrellas, pastries, and new memories.

On my first full day, I was lucky to take a one-on-one tour of the Centro Histórico from a local: Ricardo Rojas, AKA the Chilango Insider. To explore the heart of the city through his eyes was to imagine its vivid history and vibrant present—the large-scale monuments and the hidden gems.

We marveled at the city from above, appreciating the drama of iron storm clouds over the cathedrals, the golden sun shining on Bellas Artes, and the simple joy of having coffee on a rooftop. I was also astonished from the up ground, staring up at glass ceilings and pointing out the slant in certain buildings. The House of Tiles, for example, is crooked.

I constantly had to remind myself, this beautiful city is sinking, and it’s prone to earthquakes.

A simple lion sculpture adorns one of the Centro’s corners, marking a great flood that happened many years ago. And the chilangos practice a drill every year—reinforced by signage in every building—to prepare for earthquakes.

Ricardo taught me about the resilience of the chilangos and how they come together to help each other in times of hardship . . . how they formed human chains to remove debris after the most recent earthquake less than a decade ago. In teaching me this, Ricardo offered me something vital: a recognition of home and heritage. On the way to the bus station, my uncle had told me, “In a way, visiting Mexico means you’re visiting home.” I thought I’d been trying to reclaim something I’d lost, but I realized it’s inherent.

Latino culture is alive with a vibrant, community feel and the spirit of family. It’s not just the human chains. It’s the strangers that call you mijo, chico, amigo, or joven, inviting you to “make yourself a plate,” “siéntese por favor,” and offering all their kindness.

This feeling burns on full display in Parque Alameda, where I beheld a marvelous crowd salsa dancing in the park. Couples twirled their partners around the glistening water fountains, their passion sweet and spicy at the same time. I wondered if it was a special occasion. What were they celebrating?

By the time I left, I’d know the truth: It wasn’t a holiday. It was just life.

People simply dance in the park every night because they can.

Before I crossed the Nogales border on a Tufesa bus, I carried worries that were heavier than my suitcase. Watching the crowd dance like that, feeling my belly being warmed by a pambazo, my shoulders released all their tension like a great sigh.

Be loose, the music said. Be warm. Welcome to Mexico City.

That fire is radiant in Parque Alameda. Over the music, one can hear the fountains splashing like rain. If the flames burned my worries away, the waters washed them clean.

AGUA

I confess, I hadn’t known Mexico City was built on lakes.

I couldn’t stop thinking about this wherever I walked—about that lion in Centro Histórico and how it marked the great floods. About the tilt in the House of Tiles, and how the city sinks ten centimeters every year.

A thorough planner to my core, I had checked the weather forecast and braced for nonstop rain. I waterproofed a favorite pair of leather boots—patched up and infused with added character from a local cobbler. A windbreaker would be enough.

I thought of a song I’d grown to love by The Black Keys.

No rain, no flowers, they said. No pain, no power.

Flash forward to my final night in the city, when I’d find myself carrying a single orange rose to the neighborhood of Roma Norte. Overconfident from the light drizzle, I passed up the chance to buy an umbrella from a woman on a street corner—estoy bien, gracias. Then I returned about five minutes later when the skies opened up and drenched me to the bone. Go figure, that woman was standing by the Angel de la Independencia, a beacon of divine blue light bringing great tidings of being dry. Hallelujah.

The thunder that night rattled my bones, adding a little extra bass to the music of The Killers. I didn’t expect to hear my favorite band in Mexico City, but when I arrived at a little bar called La Chica, they were singing my soundtrack. My boots were soaked and my hair was dripping, but I was coming out of my cage and doing just fine. I would make the journey all over again for that Mexican beer, flor de calabaza, and a great conversation.

No rain, no flowers.

Thankfully, the weather never canceled any of my major plans. Someone—perhaps the Angel Statue, or maybe even Tlaloc, the god of rain, deserved thanks for the luck I had.

Water is temperamental. It drowns, destroys, and carves veins into the earth. Yet it also nourishes, cleanses, and offers rebirth.

 In the smallest pocket of my travel pack, I carry a little clay Sonorok, or a “Sonoran Korok.” The creation is one of a kind, inspired by Tucson and the endearing plant spirits from The Legend of Zelda. The artist sculpted and painted it to look like a tiny tree stump with a glossy ceramic nopal mask. For a year I’ve kept him on my writing desk for inspiration. Later I decided that he would also travel with me as a symbol of home, adventure, creativity, and calm, and he would become a vessel to soak up the energy of every wonderful place I experienced.

One of his favorite photos was taken in the lakes of Xochimilco.

I left a piece of my heart in Xochimilco, where I learned to find calm in a little chaos. We boarded a bold yellow trajinera with a feisty name: La Toxica. She was one of countless brightly colored boats going the same direction that day.

Evidently, you never escape traffic jams in Mexico City—even on water.

But the boats don’t honk. They just crash. We learned this three times.

“Nos chocamos!” Ernesto, the trajinero, cried dramatically. He grinned as he jammed his comically large oar into the water and heaved us around, trying to free us from the embotellamiento. WHAM! “Otra vez!” Some people on my tour looked mortified. Disillusioned. I just laughed and laughed at the controlled chaos, knowing it was part of the experience. The water was calm. It would have our backs, and Ernesto would, too. I asked him, “es cansador para tus brazos?” He mopped his brow with the sleeve of his hoodie, Cookie Monster-blue, and told me that it was buen ejercicio.

Soon, other trajineros rowed up to us to offer up their goods. It was that Wizard of Oz scene, when Dorothy’s house is in the tornado and all the visitors pass by her window. The knitting lady in her rocking chair. Thankfully no wicked witch, though we’d hear a famous story about one later.

Instead there were eloteros offering delicious corn with all the works.

There were floreros offering crowns, woven with care. It was on that lake that I glimpsed a field of endless cempasuchils—the marigolds that guide the dead back to the land of the living for Dia de los Muertos. What beautiful timing for us to hear a mariachi playing Remember Me from Coco. The trumpet line was smooth, schmaltzy, and flowing.

By the time I ordered a giant pulque—my first one ever—I relaxed deeply in a painted wicker chair, every muscle loose and free like the waters that carried us. I had been told the fermented smell would bother me and that it would be an acquired taste. While I still prefer a good beer or sangria, that pulque made me feel like one of the native axolotls, with their permanent little smiles.

Meanwhile Mario, our tour guide for the day, told us stories. There was the tale of Don Julian and his cursed Island of Dolls, which wasn’t too far away. That story didn’t end well. And of course there was La llorona. I knew that story well—she terrified me every time a monsoon wind threw the screen door open at my grandma’s house. For such a serene, beautiful place—the literal “Garden of the Flowers” by name—the local legends were dark. Del Toro-esque. Dreamlike, somehow, in their juxtaposition with the marigolds and micheladas.

So I wonder if my tipsy brain invented the guy with the monstrous hawk that was on our boat for about a minute. I never saw him board, or leave for that matter.

Or maybe I dreamed up the quartet of handsome vaqueros dressed in silver and black, playing their ranchero music on one of the banks.

Then there was the young girl with the colossal yellow snake draped over her shoulders. It was longer than she was tall, and both stared out at us with the most gentle, mysterious smiles.

But I didn’t dream up the mariachi that boarded our boat and serenaded the group.

I clapped, and I sang along when they got to the parts I knew. Baaaamba, bamba! And Caaaanta y no llores!

I can’t remember which of the songs they were playing when another mariachi boat pulled up next to us. They both played louder, each dueling to be heard. They were like waves colliding, each feeding the other’s momentum.

“Battle of the Mariachis,” one of the passengers said.

By the end, when we were absorbed into another traffic jam, I had decided that Xochimilco was chaos. Beautiful, colorful, musical chaos, where dreams and nightmares shared the lakes.

And yet it brought me peace.

That’s the strange duality of water, I suppose. Chaos and peace. Destruction and rebirth.

After our fiesta on the water, I sought a little quiet.

I took my little Sonorok to the Basilica de Guadalupe. The Uber driver could only get me so far, for pilgrims had arrived in droves, even for a Monday. They attended mass, lit candles, and pondered the holy mysteries.

Me? I mostly wanted to marvel at the architecture and listen to the waterfalls in the garden.

I felt there wouldn’t be any harm in stopping at the gate marked benediciones.

The priest stood on an altar with a vibrant red rose in his hand. He said some words to the crowds that gathered around his gate—endless waves of fifteen to twenty people. Then he dunked the rose in holy water and took aim. When he slung the holy water into the crowd and blessed our journey, he reminded me of an anime swordsman. Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!

Most people held up images of Mary. Holy trinkets.

I held up my Sonorok, for it represented so much.

We both welcomed a refreshing spritz of water in the Mexican sunlight. I basked in the peaceful feeling—the same kind I get at the San Xavier Mission, but amplified.

My relationship with religion wasn’t entirely simple, but standing there feeling the rain—the holy water and the gentle winds on my face, I figured I was probably in good hands.

AIRE

Each day of my trip had a purpose, and I’d planned it weeks in advance.

From the staggering shelves of Biblioteca Vasconcelos to churros at El Moro, I planned my trip to a T.

Yet before leaving, I often asked myself, did I prepare well enough for this?

Would my Duolingo streak, text conversations, and watching Shrek in Spanish really be enough to thrive—or survive—a thousand miles from home?

Did I save enough pesos and prepare for the altitude, weather, and street food?

What had I forgotten?

It turned out I only needed one reminder:

Let go.

Try not to plan every minute of the day.

Leave some room to follow the wind, and let it take you where it wills you.

There are “quests” I didn’t manage to complete. I still have to try chapulines, and many of the cafes. I never made it out to Garibaldi Square, or to the town of Puebla.

But I never expected the hidden gems. A late night pan de muerto adventure in Coyoacán—the place of the coyote. Gazing at the mosaics of UNAM. Drinking some of the best hot chocolate of my life, smooth and tinged with cinnamon.

I also didn’t expect to order from the “Lady Tacos de Canasta,” whose deep voice boomed from the streets of the Centro Histórico to the balconies of the House of Tiles. Ricardo and I came down to take a snack break. People swarmed the famous taco lady to take selfies with her. When I ordered my own tacos with beans and potatoes, Ricardo was so stunned he dropped an F-bomb.

I hadn’t realized he planned to translate for me.

And that simple moment was a turning point. I thought back to a night I’d had in Hermosillo about a year before. My dear friend, who had largely been using Spanglish with me, had clapped a steady hand on my shoulder and joked, “Are you all grown up now?” before we split up to order from separate food trucks. I’d accomplished my mission, but secretly harbored a fear of offending the server, or ordering a chair instead of a quesabirria.

I thought about this moment while I chowed down on those tender tacos. I didn’t know when the transition had happened, but it had become second nature to practice my Spanish. To order food without second-guessing myself or having a sweaty, out-of-body experience. I had more than enough pesos in my pocket. My stomach never complained.

“Yeah, man,” I thought. “Damn right I’m all grown up now!”

If I hadn’t practiced letting go and following the wind a little, I might not have ended up in Mexico in the first place. Coming to the city was an act of trust—in the universe and in myself.

And the greatest act of trust was on a Saturday, when I crawled into a van at 4:15 in the morning and allowed it to drive me about an hour outside of the city.

My eyes drooped and my knee was bouncing. As I signed a death waiver, I wondered how I ever talked myself into doing what I was about to do.

A great fire roared in front of me—cutting through the morning dusk and the nippy weather. I’m up before the sun, I thought. The fire looks hellish. I haven’t had my coffee. It turned out the adrenaline was sufficient. I was in no danger of falling asleep.

Then I climbed into a basket with 25 strangers, and a photographer took my photo. When I look at it now, I wonder how she managed to catch me with such a calm expression on my face. I suppose it was pride. Happiness.

There was a whole cocktail of emotions brewing.

And all of them soared as the crew untied the hot air balloon, releasing us into the skies of Teotihuacán.

Just as the Mexican border released the tension in my shoulders, the takeoff released a breath in my lungs. Maybe it was nervous laughter. Maybe it was “letting go.” Maybe it was joy.

I had always sworn I would never get in a balloon. I didn’t trust heights, especially when you added fire and a basket to the equation.

But this time, I simply had to.

I was weightless, bound to the mercy of the wind and the pilot.

I looked straight ahead and saw over fifty other balloons in the air with us. Rainbows and smiley faces bobbed in the clouds. The twenty-five of us strangers? We were a golden phoenix on a bright red globe. Some of us were siblings. Some were celebrating engagement. Others traveled solo like me. I wonder if everyone else in that basket was rising from the ashes in some way, climbing with the sunrise. The morning rays weren’t visible behind the clouds, but we knew they were there.

I looked down and saw the pyramids, peaks of earth towering above the town.

The Place of the Goddess, and I could fit it all in my palm.

I could squish the Pyramid of the Sun with my fingers—but it didn’t make me feel large. As the astronaut Neil Armstrong said about viewing the earth from space, it made me feel very, very small.

But I also felt bold, free, and joyful, breathing with the wind.

Aire is courage and aire is freedom, and the two hold hands. They work together and reward you for stepping out of your comfort zone.

Sometimes that’s by traveling solo to a country you barely know.

Sometimes it’s soaring in a hot air balloon.

Sometimes, it’s simply buying flowers after you come back to earth.

TIERRA

My aunt had given me a quest I now swear by for language learners: Buy yourself some fresh flowers. Hand a florero a small bill of the local currency, and tell them to surprise you.

As a result, I kept five fresh roses in my hotel room—little bits of tierra, filling my room with a fresh, clean aroma.

Big cities are a symphony of smells.

Take one step, and the air smells like the bakery around the corner—coffee and pan dulce of every kind: conchas, puerquitos, the horn thingies, and wow, it’s pan de muerto season!

Take another step, and . . . whew. Garbage. Where’s the nearest trash can?

But oh, that elote is teasing me. That vendor has everything—limes, queso, chile, mayonesa . . .

Hmm, someone’s cologne smells really good. Is that cedarwood?

Is it about to rain again?

Here’s another one of those marijuana permit zones.

Flowers.

So many smells, all grounding me to the earth.

How beautiful is it to think that those flowers came from the same earth where the trees of Parque Alameda grow, and the saguaros of Tucson, and the agave that gives us pulque and mezcal and soft cactus fiber blankets?

The same earth on which Teotihuacán was built?

Feeling freed by the winds, the champagne toast, and liberal samples of tequila and mezcal, we were released into the Place of the Goddess . . . the archeological zone where those pyramids have stood for nearly two thousand years.

I walked the Avenue of the Dead slowly and reverently, with my hands behind my back. Even the vendors didn’t approach me with their silver and technicolor wares—animal whistles, ponchos, ceramic skulls, and alebrijes. They must have known I was in my own little world, wondering how many people had walked the avenue before me. Pondering the Pyramid of the Moon rising at the north end. I certainly couldn’t pinch it between my fingers anymore. Its height was staggering.

Here’s a morning walk I don’t take every day, I thought, so accustomed to my campus coffee runs. In the mornings I put on music to spice up the walk and pump me up for work. But in Teotihuacan, the only music I needed was the crunch of the dirt under my feet. The wind was still breathing with me.

Climbing the pyramid, the collective song would be from all of us who were losing our breath. Only 47 steps, and it was the ultimate Stairmaster, every step tall and narrow. Most people opted for support from the cables in the middle. Me? I was one of the guys using my hands and knees. I felt a bit like a monkey, and all those morning mezcal samples didn’t help me climb. Stairs added an amusing new layer to our Mexican toasts: arriba, abajo, and so on.

But the wind rewarded me for reaching el centro—the farthest we could go. There was a gentle breeze, a warm sun, and a beautiful view of the Pyramid of the Sun on the other end of the avenida.

I spent about 45 minutes on the Pyramid of the Moon. I even sat on the edge, sipped some water, and let my feet dangle over the earth. Where had my fear of heights gone? I was sure I hadn’t left it in the balloon. I may have done something brave, but the actual fear wasn’t going anywhere.

Then a park official told me to please scoot back for my seguridad, caballero. I loved that word. Caballero. Like Zorro or some brave cowboy. El valiente from the Loteria cards.

I thanked the official for his concern and obeyed his command.

That was how I knew how far my journey had taken me. I’d started at the Tucson Tufesa station, tense and distracted. Suddenly I’d been just a little too free, many miles away and many feet above the ground.

What an honor to be scolded on the Pyramid of the Moon.

I took off my windbreaker, sat crisscross applesauce, and closed my eyes.

The earth was still, and so was I.

Ricardo had told me stories of how the earth shakes sometimes, but I felt supported by the ground in every step I took.

Into the cave where I ate chilaquiles and drank delicious cafe de olla. 

On those ancient pyramids and the avenue between them.

Onto the patterned tile of Castillo Chapultepec, where I stood on the balcony on my final day and saw everything. Acres of green earth. Boats cruising the lakes. The city skyline, including the Torre Latinoamericano where I started this whole journey. Huge yellow butterflies lingered for my photos. I smelled the flowers and trees, cultivated with care over countless years. I heard a symphony of languages, distant horns and sirens, and the echo of the street food vendors. Later I’d tell a friend that my eyes prickled up there, and he’d joke, “Was it the smog?”

In a way, I can’t rule that out. Because what really struck me was that in my last few hours, the view from the castle wove a beautiful tapestry of every thread I had come to love about the city. It felt not like a goodbye, but a “see you again.” It felt like an echo of the note my camarista had left in my hotel room, promising that one day the city would welcome me back with brazos abiertos.

And that note was a reminder that even if the earth shakes sometimes, tierra is people and community—the kind that comes together to dig through the rubble. I’d crossed the border reeling from the aftershocks of my own earthquakes. Some had cracked my branches. Some had shaken my roots.

But Mexico provided fire that warmed me.

It provided water to cleanse me.

It put wind in my lungs.

And tierra grounded me, asked me to grow, and reminded me that I still had strong branches and roots.Some of those were in Hermosillo, where I had three “Sonoran brothers” to start and end my journey with me. The first welcomed me in and gave me a set of keys to his house, to visit any time I wanted. The second offered words of caution and advice, and sent me to the city with a promise that they would all be waiting if I needed them. The third shared coffee and chisme with me and sent me back to Tucson with a bone-crushing abrazote.

So I circle back to my tio’s words—his declaration that in a way, I was visiting home. It felt like a fundamental truth. Yet I returned norte. The desert air was thinner and quieter. My uncle picked me up from the Tufesa station, drove me through Nico’s Taco Shop, and sent me back to my little apartment dreaming of my next adventure. My muscles were still loose. I thought, No me quejo por nada. Hoy, todo está bien.

I still think of the Ciudad de los Elementos every day. I continue to see ancient earth in the saguaros. Creative fire in the downtown murals and the frybread at San Xavier. Cleansing waters in the Tucson monsoons. Gentle winds between the storms . . .

After all, home has its perks, too.

Looking Back on “FREE”: 2025 in Review

I LOVE December. It’s like the Friday of the year. At work you get to tell everyone, “We’ll circle back later!” Great movies and shows hit the screens. You get to eat everything. Shop if that’s your thing. Read all the books on your TBR shelf, or buy 10 more. Maybe travel?

I’ve started thinking a lot about what my word of the year for 2026 will be. I don’t quite know what that will be yet, but I glanced back at my last blog post in January, where I shared that 2025 would be my year of FREE. I was vague about what that would mean, but I did have very specific goals in mind. So, I thought I’d reflect on how it all worked out and fill you in, for those who are curious.

In the last post I talked about going to therapy and how important that was. Well, it’s also important that you go to the RIGHT therapist. For me, this meant saying no to case-by-case video calls, with spotty connection, wait times of over a month, and a counselor who was kind but far removed from my life experiences. And it meant saying YES to bi-weekly meetings, in person, with a wonderful counselor who “gets it.” And honestly? This was the perfect foundation for a year of FREE. (The therapy isn’t free, but it IS freeing.) For one thing, I finally learned that I have PTSD, with a mix of mild depressive and anxious symptoms. I’ve always known there was something like this baked into my body, and hearing it out loud? It wasn’t the scary earthshattering moment one might expect. It was liberating. Therapy isn’t just about plunging headfirst into past traumas; it’s future-focused so you can build the life you want. And when you finally name your shadow, you pick up the flashlight. You gain the power to face it head-on. So roughly every two weeks, I just unpack my cluttered mind. Culture, work, family, relationships, masculinity, friendship, writing, legacy, health, trauma, joy, dreams, regrets… the whole casserole.

So here’s what happened while I’ve been embracing FREE and managing that shadow:

  1. I finally cleared the debt that saddled me my whole adult life! (Well, mostly. Sometimes I still use credit cards for the points, but I don’t build up balances I can’t pay off within a month or so. And I DO still have a small student loan, currently under review for forgiveness after working 10 years at the university. Yay!) This was the original meaning behind FREE. Debt freedom!
  2. In March, I gave my first bilingual presentation as both an author and a professional at the university. I wrote out a whole script, practiced a ton, got feedback, and in the end, a woman told me she never would’ve known that it was my first time presenting in Spanish. I even survived the Q&A! (It’s only fair that I tell you I was terrified, and not perfect, but I had so much fun and felt good putting myself out there.)
  3. I got to serve as a reviewer for a collection by Phoenix Oasis Press, and I learned that there are some incredible writers in my backyard. Inspired by all the short pieces and poetry, I jumped into my own short pieces. I have a short story that will be published in an anthology about Blue Benches later next year, and I submitted three shorts to a literary awards competition. Therapy helped me with a lot of this–writing unrestrained.
  4. In October, I took a solo trip to Mexico City. I’ve fielded a lot of questions about why I went alone, and the subtext seems to suggest that solo travel is sad, scary, or depressing. Friends: Abolish that thought. Take a solo trip sometime. Do your research first, but put yourself out there. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done, and I never felt lonely. I felt my Spanish blooming, tried tons of local food (and I got lucky; no stomach sickness even from the street food), rode in a hot air balloon, rode in a boat, climbed a pyramid, tried pulque, smelled flowers, got drenched in the rain, visited Frida Kahlo’s house, made friends, ran into friends, may or may not have gone on a date, and according to people who know me well, I came home with an amazing tan and a bounce in my step. I cannot wait to go back, and I can’t wait to experience some more solo travel.
  5. I drafted my next novel! I don’t want to show all the cards yet, but I love this one. So very much. I’ll post little reveals throughout the year, with a release of Fall 2026.

Don’t get me wrong: 2025 was also hard. It’s still hard. I don’t know what to expect from 2026. I’ve learned to stop romanticizing the future, and to accept that it will be beautiful and ugly at the same time. But I do think I’ll look back on 2025 and remember these five moments before I remember the challenges—or maybe even because of the challenges, and they’ll guide me.

I hope you found some joy this year, too. Maybe some peace… a moment where you felt free. 🙂

Do you have a word for 2026 yet? I could use some inspiration!

Until then,

Jacob

One Word for 2025: Free

Hi Folks!

I saw a post like this from a friend, and it put my feet to the fire. It’s a new year, and for the first time in a long time, I have some optimism about it. Let me clarify: Not an overwhelming amount of optimism, and it’s also framed by realism. I’m certainly less than thrilled about our incoming political situation, but that’s not what this post is about.

Every year, I sit down and I choose one word to frame my intentions about the kind of year I want to have, and then I write out five “guidelines” or reasons why it’s relevant to me. Last year, the year was FOCUS. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. I didn’t know just how hard it would be, and in fact, it turned out to be one of the hardest of my life. I won’t get into details here, but it changed the meaning of FOCUS for me. What was meant to be a year of progress toward my writing projects, my physical health, and my finances, also became a daily battle for my mental health. The context was more situational than anything else, so first I want to assure you that I’m ok! For one thing, I got right into therapy. I will forever champion the importance of destigmatizing therapy and help-seeking behavior, and there are particular challenges for men in this area. (For me and other Mexican-American men, there’s even more context around machismo in our families.) I was lucky to be able to take some time off work, and when I was there, I knew my colleagues had my back. This was so important, because some days, all my FOCUS could achieve was to get me out of bed, shower, and show up. This was also true in my 5-9 life, but I also felt very well-supported there.

And despite the challenges, FOCUS made some beautiful things happen:

  • My doctor has been more pleased than ever with my progress toward my health.
  • On a particularly difficult day, my uncle gave me his old Yamaha keyboard. I’ve never played, but he said, “Sometimes when I’m feeling a lot of things, I just turn it on and bang on a few random keys and get it all out.” And that became another tool of healing for me. All I can really play is a few beginner’s exercises, the main theme from Final Fantasy X, and an arrangement of Scarborough Fair, but as my uncle said sometimes, all you need is something to bang on. (He would say that. He’s a drummer.)
  • During my summer program, my colleagues persuaded me to rent a saxophone, something I hadn’t played in over 10 years. So we formed a little band with the students and played at the annual talent show, and I’ll never forget it!
  • I’ve been working on my Spanish for a long time (414 days on Duolingo, to be exact.) This started as a career goal. After all, it would be very helpful in many contexts living in Tucson, talking to students’ families, and even during certain author engagements where I’ve needed translation in the past. And this focus opened up doors I didn’t expect in my personal life. I renewed my passport, and I recently traveled to Hermosillo for a weekend with two of my best friends. I did get to use my Spanish quite a bit, and I’m excited to develop it further. There are deeper stories about what that means to me, but today they’re just for me. 🙂

The writing well was pretty dry, if I’m being honest. I think part of this is “book hangover” and needing to let go of Godfather Death, M.D., which did pretty well in its first year. It’s selling out at just about every event I do, followed closely by Roses in the Dragon’s Den. This is another point of gratitude this year–events went very well, from the AZ Renaissance Festival to YumaCon. And I enjoy being able to tell people that there’s something for everyone at my table. A family-friendly dragon adventure; a dark, dreary Grimm story; an unhinged fairy tale mash-up; and a short, sweet Halloween story with LGBTQ rep.

And so we turn the page to 2025, a year of FREE. I know what this word means to me, and there are many subthemes here (not necessarily “free coffee”, but it IS primarily financial). But one thing I’ll share with you is that I want to write more “freely,” without the pressure of “is this as good as my other books?” With every book, I guess my standards grow, and it actually makes each book feel more difficult than the last. But, I have TWO simmering, and I want to make sure at least one becomes ready for an editor this year. Maybe it will be DARK DEALS at last, after over 3 years of struggling. But that’s likely to be a slow burn that will take even more years. That one really needs to simmer and take its time.

All this to say, in the last days of 2024, I turned my attention back to something more fun and light-hearted–a stark contrast to the gloom of GODFATHER DEATH, M.D. Nothing has ever been more on-brand for me, though, and after a false start in early 2023, I see the potential of this thing at last. I’m setting my writing intention here: the year of FREE is the perfect time to tell the story of THE IMMOVABLES... more to come. 🙂

Happy New Year to you, my friends.

Cover reveal, Preorder, and ARCs!: GODFATHER DEATH, M.D.

Ever since Daniel Grimm can remember, people have whispered that death follows him everywhere. Some even call him The Grimm Reaper. But after the harrowing tragedy that shattered his family, all Daniel wants is peace. Then on the ten-year anniversary of the Grimms’ tragedy, Dr. Miguel Mortiz–Daniel’s estranged godfather–reappears in his life after a long absence. Miguel is one of the few people alive who can bear Daniel’s grief. After all, no one understands pain better than a healer.

Under the cloak of charisma and familial warmth, Miguel seems to have a shadow. Aunt Cass even urges Daniel to stay away from him. But against all warnings, he peels back the layers of grief and mystery until he discovers the dark, unthinkable secret about his godfather. Not only does this unlock the truth about the Grimms’ untimely demise; it changes everything Daniel knows about life, death, fantasy, and reality. He may get everything he ever wanted. But there’s a cost to holding the key, and some secrets should probably stay in the graveyard.

Welcome to the tale of Danny Grimm! Long after I finished his story, this dude and his godfather are still haunting me. They really latched onto my brain, as did Aunt Cass and everyone Daniel crosses paths with in this story.

I’ve been asked for comp titles, and I’ve dreaded this question a little bit. XD I’ll be curious to see what the readers say! For now, just know that it IS a retelling from Grimm’s Fairy Tales, that I watched a lot of Modern Family while writing this, and that I also listened to a lot of sad, dark music. So imagine a sitcom with like, Guillermo Del Toro vibes? Maybe that’s a step in the right direction…

Today I’m so proud to present the front cover, designed with care by the talented Molly Phipps!

The name of the game is Candles. I keep staring at this one and the way the wax melts around the design–almost seems to sculpt the rest of it. That’s important. 🙂

Godfather Death, M.D. is now available for preorder wherever you find your ebooks: Amazon, Barnes and Noble, you name it. It will also be available in paperback and hardcover (a first for me)! This will make it a volume worthy of adding to Miguel’s mysterious library! Amazon is giving me a bit of grief setting up the hardcover, so if that’s the format you’re interested in, I recommend going through Barnes and Noble online for this one. At least for now. 🙂

Finally, if you want to read it before anyone else, and for FREE, please consider signing up for an ARC on Booksprout. If you’re unfamiliar with ARCs, this stands for Advanced Readers Copies, meaning Booksprout sends you a free eBook in exchange for an honest review! Reviews in the first few days of release can really help a book find an audience, and all it costs is the time it will take you to read!

Oh, and you can also add it to your Goodreads list!

This will launch on January 9, 2024!

Let me know what you think! I’ve been dying to hear the reactions to this one!

THE END: 5 Depictions of Death (Capital D) in Mainstream Media

As I work on GODFATHER DEATH, M.D., I’ve been looking to the media to fill the creative well. There was a time when this project seemed so daunting to me–not because of the subject matter, but because I wondered if we’ve told too many stories about Death. At one point I thought, we’ve had the same skeletal, hooded, scythe-swinging Grim Reaper since the 14th century. It’s that trap we all fall into as writers: “Hasn’t this been done a million times before?”

Well, here’s the thing: There’s nothing brand new under the sun, and if you’re ever worried about telling a story that’s already been told, you need to remember that it’s never been told by YOU before. So, to kick off what will probably be an ongoing list, I’ve honed in on FIVE different depictions of Death in the media… a few movies, a comic book, and a novel! Let’s dive in:

  1. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (2003)

Man, what wouldn’t I give to watch this movie for the first time again?

I associate the first movie with a deep sense of nostalgia. When it hit theaters, I was 12 going on 13. It was summer, and I was free. I was excited to start middle school. I think I saw the movie twice–once with my mom, and a second time with my father. It was the ultimate popcorn flick, and it later became one of my first DVDs as the VHS transitioned out of favor. A few years later, Kingdom Hearts II would also feature this movie as one of the worlds you could play in, complete with music and a sweet-ass Keyblade! 😀

My fascination with this movie is threefold: Orlando Bloom’s handsomeness, the swashbuckling action, and the plight of the damned. I still remember the iconic line and how they featured it in the trailer:

“You’d best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You’re in one!”

Death features in the movie by showing us what would happen if he/she/they took a holiday. The crew on the Black Pearl can’t die, and I love how this movie explores that. They turn into skeletons in the moonlight… food doesn’t taste as pleasurable as it should… and then there’s the look on Captain Barbossa’s face before he’s allowed to take his “final” rest, when he tells Jack Sparrow, “I feel… cold…” (When I first watched the second movie, I remember gasping and cheering when Barbossa returned at the end. Today, I find that cheap. The first movie was perfect and should’ve been allowed to stand alone! *end rant*)

I associate pirates with reckless bravery–cannons blazing and swords swinging because they have no fear of Death. But this movie suggests that maybe there is something to fear in immortality… in Death abandoning the damned. A fascinating concept.

2. FINAL DESTINATION (2000)

Gather round, children. There was a time when I was cool. Or at least, I liked horror movies. No amount of blood could scare me away. I’d sneak into the R-rated ones with my friends, and we’d LAUGH in the face of horror. Muahaha.

I don’t have the same stomach anymore, and it’s rare for me to sit through a movie/show that’s deliberately intended to disturb the viewer. I do enjoy “elevated horror” if the conditions are right. If it’s, like, Jordan Peele making some deep commentary on society, and it’s 9AM and I have the rest of the daylight hours to scrub my mind, let’s do it! (Oh and I like SCREAM, because it’s basically just Scooby-Doo for grown-ups. You can’t change my mind. Others have tried.)

Final Destination, though… absolutely disgusting. Traumatic, even. I struggle with roller coasters, freeways, and elevators to some extent because of those movies. The concept, though, is brilliant: survivors of massive freak accidents band together to cheat death, only to find that it’s determined to hunt them down. I wish I had thought of that!

In these movies (at least the first three… I stopped being cool sometime before the 4th came out) they almost always refer to Death as some sentient being, almost like a god. But if it’s an actual force or sentient being, he’s never shown. All you see are the freak accidents (in vivid, disgusting detail) and the slightest whisper of something supernatural–a gust of wind or a shadow of a hook. But it ALWAYS has a sort of personality to it. It’s petty, vengeful, and calculated. The idea that it all follows a predictable design is a little bit terrifying.

3. THE SANDMAN by Neil Gaiman (1989-1996)

Now for something a little less awful: a comic book! (But let’s be real, this one gets a little bit gross as well.)

Oddly, though, the most beautiful and meditative scenes in Neil Gaiman’s comic series are the ones where Death is heavily featured. In this one, Death is actually personified, and she’s a cool goth chick. I think I remember reading an interview where Gaiman mentioned she was inspired by a woman he met at a diner…

Death is one of a handful of siblings, each personifying a different concept: Dream, Destiny, Delirium, Desire, Destruction, and Despair. To be fair, Death does have some heartbreaking scenes, but I would argue that out of all the Endless, she’s one of the most rational and level-headed. She’s not necessarily spooky. She doesn’t have any sort of Grim Reaper aura. She’s warm, compassionate, and pensive. I thought this was an interesting way to personify her…

(Then, there’s the character who refuses to die, and he checks in with Dream every century. Dream expects him to give up after he loses everyone he loves, but the guy just keeps on going. I love that guy.)

4. THEY BOTH DIE AT THE END by Adam Silvera

This book is almost like Final Destination lite… a YA novel that made me sob.

In this one, an app developer has figured out an algorithm that can predict the exact day you’re going to die. That morning, you get a phone call that tells you it’s your “death day.” The book follows two characters who received the call, then decide to spend their last day together.

Death isn’t personified in this one, but it’s heavily explored on every page. If today were going to be your last day, would you want to know? Can you do anything about it? How will you spend it and cherish your last meals, conversations, and everyday moments?

And no, it does not pull any punches at the end. But it IS very beautifully done. The prequel, THE FIRST TO DIE AT THE END, is equally wonderful and heartbreaking.

5. CLICK (2006)

I think about this movie ALL the time, and now that I’m looking it up, WHY does it have a 36% on Rotten Tomatoes?! This movie was great! Sean Astin is in it! Kate Beckinsale is in it! Even The Cranberries are in it!

It’s been a little while and it merits a rewatch soon, but it’s a true favorite for me. Maybe it’s nostalgia again, because I vividly remember NOT watching this one in the theater. My mom bought it for me on DVD before any of us had every seen it, and a bunch of us crowded around a small TV in her room and ate snacks while we watched it. I’m fairly certain it was also Christmas. 😀

I had been expecting to laugh my ass off. To be fair, that happened, but I had no idea I was also going to cry hysterically. That’s not supposed to happen in Adam Sandler movies. They’re supposed to be stupid and good for a mindless day.

Adam Sandler is a workaholic who gets frustrated by life and too many remote control devices. So he buys a “universal remote” from some guy named Morty (Christopher Walken!) Things escalate quickly as he “remote controls his universe,” changing the tint, doing a picture-in-picture, and fast forwarding through meetings he doesn’t want to listen to.

But, like, what the hell? He forwards to his dad’s death? Then to the night when he’s about to die in front of The Cranberries? (When I explain it, it DOES sound like a 36% Rotten Tomatoes movie. But I swear it’s amazing.) And all along, the guy who sold him the remote was… THE ANGEL OF DEATH?!

I did not see that coming, ever. Death is a goofy, eccentric inventor who sells remote controls at Bed, Bath, and Beyond? And this remote control teaches Adam Sandler a lesson about life? IT’S SO DEEP. WATCH IT, Y’ALL.

In Conclusion:

There are some pretty fascinating depictions of Death in the media. Even when Death isn’t portrayed in a human form, there are all kinds of interesting ways creators have signed it a personality. These are just five of them, and Death isn’t even kind of the same in any two. So, will we ever run out of ideas to tell original stories about The End and what comes after? I really don’t think so. In fact, I can’t wait to explore more of them and add to this list!

What else do you have for me?

Introducing GODFATHER DEATH, M.D.

What if Death wears a mortal body and walks among us?

What if Death is your college professor, the cute barista at your local cafe’, or even a family doctor?

What if Death is your godfather? Would you resent him for everything you’ve lost?

I’m so excited that my serial project, GODFATHER DEATH, M.D. is now a thing in the world! It makes me a little bit nervous because it’s not yet a finished product, or a medium I’ve tried before, but it feels like the right move. It’s organic this way. There’s a a bit of wiggle room to have a conversation with the readers. Ironically, it’s more alive this way. It’s also a bit like a strange TV show… part drama, part sitcom, part quest… and I promise all will be resolved in the end. I have created my map to the ending!

People whisper that death follows Daniel Grimm everywhere. They even call him The Grimm Reaper. Then on the ten-year anniversary of the tragedy that shattered Daniel’s family, Dr. Miguel Mortiz–his estranged godfather–reappears. Miguel is one of the few people alive who can understand Daniel’s grief. After all, no one grasps pain better than a healer. So why does Aunt Cass warn him to stay away from Miguel? He longs to understand, but some secrets are probably better off left in the graveyard.

You can read the first three episodes for free, and then the following episodes will become unlockable every Monday through Kindle Vella’s token system. You can even claim 200 tokens for free if it’s your first Vella story! 200 will buy you roughly 8 chapters, and pretty much the rest of Act I. (Of course, I’m not pulling any punches–I’ll be trying to hook you so you’ll come back for Act II!) The cool thing is that this format makes the story even more accessible to new audiences. When it’s all done, I’ll wait a bit, take it down, and bind it into a paperback. (Maybe even a hardcover, too? Idk… I’m pretty darn proud of this one!) Like I said, you can get the weekly streaming experience, or the binge-it-in-a-day-and-put-it-on-your-shelf experience!

There are a couple of things you can do that will really help me out:

  • Give each chapter a “thumbs up.” This is part of how royalties, “favorites,” and visibility play out on Vella!
  • Hit the “Follow This Story” button.
  • Share the link with someone who might enjoy this!

Reminder: Read with care. Death can be a touchy subject, and this is purely my way of exploring grief, loss, and mortality in a way that feels healthy and meaningful for me. With that said, my beliefs and experiences are my own, and I do not attempt to speak for everyone. I can hope, however, that it might bring someone some solidarity, or maybe even comfort. Danny Grimm, Aunt Cass, Miguel, and The Grimms have shared a LOT with me in the last 7 months, and they continue to do so!

Happy reading!

Jacob

Thoughts on Summer, Perfection, and Stickers

Gather ’round, friends. It’s June. It’s hot out. Come enjoy the A.C. for a minute, and let’s catch up.

If you know me in my “real life,” outside the pages and the cons and the social media posts, you know what summer means to me. It’s a happy, meaningful, transformative time, and it’s a very busy time! Last year, summer had a rocky start when I went to table at Phoenix Fan Fusion and came back with a positive COVID test. I missed a week of training my staff, leaving them scrambling to execute “Plan B”. I fell deeply behind on a massive to-do list, personally and professionally. Writing didn’t happen at all. The brain fog, the guilt, and the fatigue gnawed at me all summer long while I tried to facilitate a perfect summer in every way.

And I finally learned what I should’ve learned a long time ago: perfect is simply not going to happen. This was a difficult place for me to get to as an “Achiever”/Type-A personality, and I’m not going to pretend I’ve fully let go of perfectionism. But my outlook right now has been kind of liberating. “If I pour 150% into X, I will drain myself. X might fail anyway, and then there will not be enough of myself to show up and revise it. But if I pour 100% into me, X will be as awesome as it can be, and I’ll be a stronger and healthier leader when I do need to revise it.” This is just an epiphany that I wanted to share with you. 🙂

I did make a few sacrifices at the start of this summer, including Fan Fusion. I can’t pretend it didn’t make my heart sore, but it was a great opportunity to practice pouring 100% into my wellness when I couldn’t be everywhere at once. So here are some of the things I’m thinking about this summer:

I’m beginning to release Godfather Death, M.D. on Kindle Vella. This is my first serial, and because it’s not even 100% finished yet, I really have to lean into this “it won’t be perfect” thing. The comfort I take is that it’s still malleable while it’s a serial, and it’s a story that I love deeply. It’s challenged my emotions more than once by now… I cried in a Barnes and Noble writing a particular scene. I cried again writing a graveyard scene, and then I cried again editing both those scenes. Rest assured that every reaction was cathartic and healing. I hope they’ll resonate in beautiful ways whenever you get there. And I thank my friend Avon Van Hassel for her beta reads and work on the Vella cover! (Also shout-out to Silva Curry, who is editing this thing piece by piece and putting the icing on top.)

I made a summer reading list! I know very well that I won’t get through the whole thing, and “getting through it” isn’t the goal. Enjoying it is the goal. I have a growing stack of unread comic books from Heroes and Villains, including a few volumes of Saga, and Superman: Son of Kal-El (who is an LGBTQ+ icon, making it a perfect Pride Month read!) I’m following V.E. Schwab’s read-along of her Darker Shade of Magic series, and I’m excited to continue learning from her prose, her world-building, and her insights. I’m finding that these books are even better the second time around. If I manage to finish re-reading those, I can’t wait to dive into In The Lives of Puppets and Tress of the Emerald Sea. Sometimes on a long day, it’s comforting just to have a book in the backpack or next to the bed, ready to portal me into a new world for just a few minutes.

I also have a watch list… Around this time of year, it’s tradition for me to rewatch 500 Days of Summer, and I think I’ll gather a few other movies worth another go… I am also shamelessly enjoying Perfect Match right now. After watching Love is Blind and The Circle, seeing these reality stars come together is like watching a petty, low-stakes MCU, and I’m fascinated.

OH! I wanted to show you these stickers:

This has been a fun representation of the characters in my head: A badass pirate, a dashing adventurer, a gay pumpkin prince, and Death himself, M.D. I didn’t print very many of these to start, but I will start giving one to anyone who orders a book from me directly, and I will bring them to events as well. I hope my characters can “stick” with you the way they always stick with me!

Ok: Life calls. I’m wishing you all a wonderful Pride Month, and I hope you’ll join me later in June for the Vella launch of Godfather Death, M.D. I can’t wait for y’all to meet Danny Grimm, his coffee shop auntie, and his mysterious godfather!

What are you reading, watching, or doing for your wellness this summer?

Happy Reading,

Seven Things “How to Get Away With Murder” Can Teach Us About Strong Writing

So I can admit it: I’ve become a bit of a TV-head since the work-from-home days began. It’s been six and a half months now. Here’s to the day I thought to myself, “Well, if I’m gonna be home for three weeks, why not rewatch all the Harry Potter movies?” Those were simpler times.

Around April, I was already running out of shows. I grew so bored one night that I rented CATS. CATS, people. Do you understand how serious that is?

Luckily, Annalise Keating swept in to save my brain, and it became my nightly ritual to watch one episode of How to Get Away With Murder as my night was winding down. Some nights, I got a little carried away and just kept going, but I averaged about one a day when I could help myself. By the end of season two, it was official: After 10 years, a new show had finally dethroned LOST as my favorite TV drama. I’d found a new guilty pleasure, while at the same time, my writer brain was soaking up some lessons to mull over for my own craft. I can’t say HTGAWM is perfect writing, but it does give us a gold mine of techniques to think about. So, let’s talk about seven takeaways we can use as writers.

(This is also a great time to put up the SPOILER ALERT! I’m going to do my best to keep things loose for folx who are still early in the show, but there may be some big reveals especially toward the end, so proceed with caution!)

On Diversity and Representation:

Diversity and representation is a hot topic in the literary world today. We still need more of it, and we also need for it to be done well. When not handled appropriately, there’s a risk of creating more problems: cultural appropriation, or writing about a marginalized experience you don’t understand as opposed to providing a voice and space for underrepresented groups; and/or tokenization, tossing in a marginalized character whose only purpose to the story is to be “the diverse one”, without any real storyline of their own.

Feel free to chime on this if you feel differently, but I was incredibly happy with the diversity of the cast in HTGAWM, more importantly how their identities were portrayed. The show does not shy away from topics of power and privilege, particularly through the lenses of race and sexual orientation. Annalise is the perfect lead for this show. She’s a strong, confident Black woman, and we see all the ways that the system has oppressed her for her intersectional identities. We also see how she’s gained power and privileges from her level of education, and how she uses that to benefit those who are even more oppressed (particularly in season 5 with her big trial.) But she’s not a token. She’s positioned firmly within in a community that can round out her character and interact with those identities in various ways.

In episode one, I was convinced that Connor was going to be the “token gay man,” and while he defies many stereotypes that are so easy for other writers to reach for, he isn’t portrayed in a very positive light at first. I’ll say more on him later, but the rest of the show did a great job of complicating his story so that it wasn’t all about his identity–it was a story that anybody could’ve had, while fitting his identity neatly into the context of his character. This is so important because nobody’s ever just one identity with a spotlight on it at all times. Identity is salient in some contexts and more internal in others, and remembering this is one way to get representation right. 🙂 (Kudos to the show for complicating and being real about sexual orientation in general. It’s fluid and it’s not as simple as “gay/straight,” making it feel portrayed more authentically here than many shows I’ve seen.)

How To Get Away With Murder GIF by ABC Network

The “Ticking Clock” Effect:

This is how the show hooked me right at episode one, and continued to do so every season. They keep the basic structure each time because it works. Episode one shows you right away that something BIG is coming: the cast is carrying a dead body, and they’re flipping a coin over whether to burn it or bury it. The moment they do that, the writers make you a promise: “This IS going to happen to these characters in three months. Wanna know who’s under the sheet?”

Then in every episode that follows, the writers ingeniously and gradually peel back the curtain just enough to keep you hooked. By episode two, you already know who’s dead, but how did it happen? Then you see the bloody weapon. But who was holding it? Then you get a mugshot. But why in the world would they do something like that? Every time you get an answer, you get a new question, and the reminder that we’re counting down: two months later… one month later… 48 hours later…

And what’s even cooler about this effect: the big reveal always comes in the middle of the season, when you still have quite a ways to go before the big finish. “Here’s the whole night that the murder went down! The aftermath is enough to cover the whole rest of the season.”

Now, if you’re not a master of flash forwards, flashbacks, or cutting between two timelines, there’s still a lot of value here! Introducing a “ticking clock” really keeps the plot moving. Give your character 12 hours to find the holy grail, and make each chapter worth an hour. Show us some proof that the dragon attacks the city about every three days, and there’s not enough time to evacuate before he returns. Hint at a coming prison break, and show us why this doesn’t bode well for the protagonist. It’s one of my favorite techniques!

ABC Network abc viola davis htgawm annalise keating GIF

On Flawed Characters:

Ohhh, these characters. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve seen more of them than I’ve seen of my friends or family in the past six months, but I’m really going to miss them now that I’ve finished the show! I was an emotional mess during the finale, partly because I just didn’t want it to be over.

I learned this early on in my writing days: Nobody likes a “Mary Sue” or “Gary Stu”, a character who is so perfect that there’s no way any of us everyday folk can possibly relate. So, it’s a good thing all of these characters are FAR from perfect. In fact, every single one of them can be downright shady, but you root for them all the way through.

Annalise  Keating GIF by ABC Network

Michaela is attractive and incredibly intelligent–the star student who is determined to be president one day. In her quest to seem perfect for her professor and her community, she can be downright manipulative and kind of bratty, and the other characters call her on it. Bonnie will do anything for Annalise, but she has a weakness for Frank that clouds her judgment sometimes. Connor is charming and has the strongest moral backbone of the group, but his guilt makes him broody and gets in the way of his relationships. Annalise herself is strong and confident. You want to stand up and cheer every time she gets in someone’s face or gives a speech in the courtroom. But she’s also highly insecure deep down, and her desire to protect her students leads her to do some questionable things. The final two episodes were a GOLD MINE of great characterization for Annalise, from her inner voice talking us through the outfit she’d wear to court, right up to the last minute of the finale.

Some of the best characters are walking contradictions, never an absolute in any of their traits. PLOT PERFECT by Paula Munier has a great exercise on making characters well-rounded, using Hannibal Lecter as one of her case studies. (He’s a psychiatrist, but he’s also a psychopath. He’s well-mannered, but he’s also a killer… He loves gourmet meals, but he’s also, well, a cannibal.) I recommend this for further reading!

Viola Davis GIF by ABC Network

On Powerful “KABAM” Closers:

I’ve been on this journey for 90 episodes. Ninety, and there wasn’t a single time when the credits started rolling and I didn’t whisper, “…damn. Now I HAVE to know more.” In the last season, I was much more obscene, because the endings were just so well-delivered.

This is also what I loved about LOST, and about many of my favorite books. The end of every chapter is just as strong as the first sentence. Maybe there’s a big reveal, or the promise of one. Maybe we’re peeling back the curtain a little more to get closer to the big twist in the middle. Maybe it’s just a character delivering a killer, bad-ass line. We all know ’em well. What if Star Wars was a TV show and Darth Vader said, “No, I AM your father!” at the end of the mid-season finale? We’d be spilling our popcorn and talking about it for WEEKS.

I call these KABAM statements, and I’m not happy writing a book until every single chapter has one of those statements at the end. I want you to read it and imagine the trombones sounding at the end of LOST, or the chalkboard flashing on the screen at the end of HTGAWM. Because that’s what keeps us turning pages or telling Netflix not to bother us–that yes, of course we’re still watching. Please stop judging.

come at viola davis GIF by ABC Network

On Shared Universes:

This was a really cool treat in season five: learning that How to Get Away With Murder doesn’t exist in a vacuum, but in fact shares a whole universe with Scandal. To be clear, I don’t even watch Scandal, but I know it’s another one of those Shonda shows and that Kerry Washington is the lead. So when I saw Washington writing on a chalkboard in season five, I dropped my remote and said, “Whoa! That’s the Scandal lady!”

Sure enough, that episode ended with someone speaking the character’s name out loud: “Please welcome Olivia Pope!”

KABAM.

Suddenly the show felt so much bigger, and I went down an internet rabbit hole telling me that yes, Annalise also showed up in Scandal that week, and I went hunting for the episode to soak up all the crossover goodness.

Here’s what made it really work: I could’ve skipped that episode of Scandal entirely, and I still wouldn’t have felt like I missed anything. The writers did a great job making it and independent story. All Scandal really did was give me a little bonus side trip to enrich the experience.

But guess what? Now I’m open to more of it. I won’t jump in right away–I need time to grieve the end of this show first, but I commend the producers for getting my attention without taking the spotlight off Annalise. There was a real, legitimate purpose for these two to show up in each other’s shows, and once that purpose was served, they didn’t milk it any further.

Ever since the MCU started crossing movies and setting up their own epic universe, a lot of people have jumped on board and tried to replicate the model: myself included. Not every attempt has been successful (looking at you, The Mummy) and there are risks to doing this. But we can learn a lot from how Shonda approached this: Both shows were still self-contained, and nobody was alienated if they didn’t watch the other. There was a real purpose for characters to cross over, and the writers stayed within the boundaries of that purpose. Had they stretched it too far with no context, they might’ve sent viewers running the other way. Instead, we run back for more!

How To Get Away With Murder Running GIF by ABC Network

On The Protagonists’ Journey:

Now THIS is what the show does best!

These poor, poor folx. Every protagonist in this show has been through HELL. They each have goals. Every season has a pretty clear end game. But at no point do the writers make it easy on the protags. In fact, if a character makes a plan, you can be 100% confident that something will go wrong. Another character will come in and mess it up. A new piece of evidence will be revealed, or damaged. The car brakes might even fail. These characters work HARD to get through the season, and through the day! Honestly, I felt for them.

Oliverhampton GIF by ABC Network

Writers, let’s take notes on this one, because it’s our main job: We’re supposed to mess up the lives of our protagonists. If they’re making plans, we’re supposed to poke holes in them and make it as hard as humanly possible. Cut the power in their home. Hack their laptop. Make Annalise give them an exam the next day. Send Frank or the Castillos after them. It’s not nice, but it has to be done. This makes it that much more rewarding when we get to the end…

Mean GIF by ABC Network

On The End:

I just finished this about two hours ago, and I have feelings. I’m a little mad about some things (well, one thing… a certain death or two that just cut a little too deep. Let’s talk.) but fundamentally, I loved this finale.

What I loved specifically: We got the resolution we needed, and a lot of peace of mind about some characters’ futures. We know that despite all the torture these characters have been through, some characters live long lives. We know that some find happiness. We know some leave an incredible legacy.

And there’s also a lot of room for us to fill in our own blanks.

We don’t have the survivors’ entire lives spelled out for us. I’m still sitting here thinking, “But does Coliver STAY together, or do they get back together years later? Or are they just reuniting as friends all these years later?” I wanted a tiny bit more aftermath for folx like Laurel and Michaela. But to some extent, a lot of that didn’t matter. The point is, at some point far in the future, they’re happy and alive. That was what I needed to know. I have some freedom to speculate on what I want to know.

And that’s what makes ending so tricky. If a story really grips us and we fall in love with the characters, we’re always going to want to know more. A lot of times for me that’s, “But are they happy now? Do they live? Are they actually free from all this?” This time, we got that answer.

I also believe that when a story is complete and out in the world, it no longer belongs to the author alone: It belongs to the audience. And the writers seem to believe that, too, because the lingering questions are the kinds that we can dream up answers for. They’re not central to the themes of the show–they’re just for fun. They’ll linger for a while without nagging or forcing us to worry. 🙂

I won’t lose a ton of sleep tonight, except to keep thinking about how much I loved watching this show for the first time.

Now, I want to hear from you all! Did you watch HTGAWM, and do you agree with my take on these seven areas? Let’s talk writing, or let’s talk TV!

On Small Wins

Dear Friends,

I went back and forth all day about whether I should post this tonight, as you and I have already had to sift through four billion messages from our bosses, government officials, teachers, and the CEO of every business we’ve ever given our email address to. (Wendy’s, you’re up next! Get up here, Wendy!)

I try to find some levity where I can, but it’s been a wild couple of weeks to say the very least. We’re all trying to find the pieces as news continues to evolve almost by the hour. For me, it’s been wading through bad connection and getting kicked offline as I Skype in for my first Ph.D class. It’s cancelled book festivals and tower of paperbacks accumulating in my living room. It’s the new colossal “unknowns” of my day job. It’s braving the grocery store for something simple like a loaf of bread and leaving with frustration.

Is any of this familiar yet? I spend a few minutes a day writing down the little ways the world is changing. It’ll be interesting to look back on it later… to see this turning point in history condensed into a few daily bullet points. I find that my mind is buzzing a little too much to get any substantial writing done, but when it calms down, I’ll be ready to pour all of this into art.

There is so little happening within our control right now, but I’m growing increasingly appreciative of small wins and simple joys:

  • A clean(ish) living room.
  • Mac n’ cheese that’s just as thick as I want it. YES.
  • Cheap projectors + butcher paper = a movie theater in my bedroom. 

It’s times like this when I really love an artistic escape. A good movie (Disney+ just released STARGIRL, which was a favorite book of mine in junior high… took me right back and I wasn’t mad about it.) Music that just cuts right into your soul. TV with all the feels. (People are telling me THIS IS US is TOO many feels and way too sad to watch in quarantine–I think it’s kinda relaxing…) A book you can really lose yourself in. (Hello, Wheel of Time series! I’m glad I loaded up on the first five to keep me busy…)

All this to say: I’m right here with you, and I hope you’re finding your escapes and little wins right now. To contribute what I can, I’m making THE CARVER free for the next five days. If it helps even one person laugh, hold their breath, or roll their eyes at me, I’ll call that a win.

Get THE CARVER for FREE!

Hang in there! We’re going to be okay, and our story will go on.

A virtual hug,

Release Day! Roses in the Dragon’s Den on Audible

Think of it as an adventure. If you see me freak out, then you have permission to freak out. But I’m Diego Rosas, and I promised your mom I’d take care of you. I don’t freak out.
Diego Rosas, approximately 10 minutes before the dragon incident…

Thank Lady Fortune! Roses in the Dragon’s Den is now available on audiobook, and you can find it on Audible and Amazon today!

79038964_10221377585372106_256647978385670144_n

I knew within the first minute of his sample that Danny Pardo was the one true voice of the Rosas family. If he looks or sounds familiar at all, he has lent voice and acting talents to projects such as:

  • Prison Break
  • Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
  • 24
  • The Call of Duty video games
  • and now, Roses in the Dragon’s Den!

The most important thing was to find somebody who could bring the Rosas family to life. When I listened to his recording, there were times when I forgot I had written the words because Danny filled them with brand new life: all the heart, humor, and thrills you could ask for in a listening experience. I hope you’ll agree.

Pick it up today and share with a reader in your life!

Synopsis:

Twelve year old siblings Karina and Charlie Rosas aren’t looking forward to vacationing with their estranged uncle. But when the Fernweh Express derails and tosses them into a wild, unrecognizable land, they trust he’ll know what to do. After all, Diego Rosas wrote the book on survival in deserts and arctic tundras. There’s nothing he can’t handle . . . until a colossal, fire-breathing dragon snatches him up and carries him away, leaving the siblings to embark on an impossible rescue mission.

With the natural elements working against them, the Rosas family adventures through the curse-infested, uncharted world in order to solve the mystery of what doomed their travels. When they meet up with a dwarf and a pirate queen who offer aid, Karina and Charlie must decide whether they can trust anyone willing to voyage into a dragon’s den. But if the siblings ever want to return home, they must trust and lean on each other, and above all, hope Uncle Diego is still alive.

Buy on Audible!

Buy on Amazon!