First things first: has anyone had a chance to try Snow White’s apple pie since last week?
Hansel may swear by it, and Snow may not be able to hide her pride for it, but there’s one man who can rightfully boast the title of “biggest apple pie fan”–more specifically, the biggest Snow White fan. And who should love her better than her husband, the prince himself?
I’ve chosen not going to give you any images that represent Prince Liam (this dude from Shrek isn’t one of them, unless you want it to be!). I purposely don’t describe him with much physical detail in the book, because I feel that he’s a character that merits a greater degree of reader imagination. Rosana calls him “the best looking man she’s ever seen,” and at one point Enzo notes that he’s the “Ryan Gosling of the Old World.” The idea is that he’s supposed to come pretty close to activating either the “swoon” factor or the “I want to be best friends with you” factor, and that’s a different image for everybody. So whether you picture someone like Leo DiCaprio, Idris Elba, or Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, you’re correct! And that, to me, is half the fun of reading a book. I’m the screenwriter and the camera guy. You’re the director! And the casting agent. And the score composer. And the special effects guy/girl. Is there any better job than the ones we have?
Here’s what Liam wants you to know about himself!
Jacob: Liam! Welcome to my blog!
Liam: A thousand greetings to you and your readers, chum! Should we clash knuckles? *extends fist*
Jacob: Man… I’m so proud of you right now. You’re finally getting the fist bump thing down! *bump* Finding your place in the 21st century!
Liam: It is rather gratifying, I do confess. I still prefer the handshake, but the occasional hearty kabam between brothers keeps the knuckles nice and limber! Shall we do it again?
Jacob: Sure! *bump* So thanks again for being here today. We’ve met Enzo, Pietro, Rosana, and even your wife! We’ve been having a ton of fun promoting The Carver these last few weeks.
Liam: Your novel endeavor!
Jacob: And Liam’s grand entrance into the New World! What do you want to tell the readers about yourself before release day? Where are you at the start of the book?
Liam: Fighting a dragon! *frowns* No, I jest; I loathe dragons, which is most unfortunate because I’m a prince.
Jacob: Whose prince, exactly? I know you wanna brag…
Liam: SNOW WHITE! How Lady Fortune spoils me!
Jacob: Yep. You lucky, lucky guy, courting the fairest in the land. Two lands. I’m not jealous at all, by the way.
Liam: It’s quite alright, chum. I wouldn’t blame you if you were.
Jacob: Okay, maybe just a little bit. But I know I’m not the only one! A good handful of readers may end up jealous of Snow, though. I’m expecting #TeamLiam to start trending any day now.
Liam: *scratches head* Team Me? Why Team Me?
Jacob: You’re being modest. I told my readers that you were another one of my favorite characters to write, and that’s because you challenged me more than any other. You’re Prince freaking Charming, man! I had to go back and give you flaws because you didn’t have any. You’re too damn perfect! Stop it!
Liam: You’re quite kind! But I hardly understand what you’re talking about.
Jacob: Well for one thing, look at yourself. How much time do you spend in front of the mirror?
Liam: Snow and I agreed once upon a time that we wouldn’t acquire any mirrors in our home. Mirrors are dangerous possessions to meddle with.
Jacob: I dislike you just a little bit. You don’t even own a mirror and yet look at your hair… before I become too self-conscious, let’s talk about your flaws. You’ve been accused–by a man whose name I won’t mention–of being passive to a fault. A source says, and I quote, “He’s never ever slain a dragon before.” You already told me you hate dragons, but truly? I would think fighting a dragon is, like, page one of the prince handbooks.
Liam: I don’t like to fight. It weighs on my soul. I must confess that my master gets quite frustrated with me when we train together. She wants me to fight harder, but my heart’s just not into it. If it comes down to a life or death situation, I’m not so sure I’ll emerge triumphant.
Jacob: That’s really sad to hear. What if your land is in danger? What if your wife is in danger?
Liam: By the grace of Lady Fortune, it should never come to that. Snow’s worst enemy has already been defeated. Her stepmother shall never bother her again.
Jacob: But you do live in Florindale. Anything could happen in the Old World, right?
Liam: I suppose. However, the legendary Order of the Bell is tasked with protecting the realms. They’re the most powerful team I can think of off the top of my head, aside from your X-Men.
Jacob: Oh yes, I know all about the Order! But I see it as my job as a writer to ask: what if they’re not enough? What if a danger arises that’s too big for even them to handle?
Liam: *thinks for a moment* Then we all go for a pizza and we remember the merry times we once had!
Jacob: *sighs* I’m a little worried here. Liam… go home, please. I need you to be ready for action when THE CARVER hits the shelves. Understood?
Liam: *looks down* Aye.
So, there you have it. The man’s not perfect. Remind me to interview his master before all of this is said and done. But for now, I foresee a very mysterious guest joining us next week. I had an invitation all drafted and ready to send to her, but she had already seen it coming and responded before I could click send. You’ll see what I mean next week. Madame Esme’s like that.